Sunday, April 12, 2020

If Trump Had Been Captain on the Titanic


1. The iceberg is a hoax by other cruise lines trying to make me look bad.

2. We won’t hit the iceberg; everything is under control.

3. It’s a very small iceberg, nothing to worry about.

4. We barely touched the iceberg; nothing to worry about.

5. Nobody could’ve seen that iceberg coming.

6. If I hadn’t acted so quickly, there would have been a lot more deaths.

7. It’s not our job to provide a lifeboat for each passenger; they are primarily responsible for their own safety.

8. Only the passengers who are nice to me will get a lifeboat.

9. We'll have more lifeboats as soon as Jared and Ivanka set up boat-making shell companies.

10. I’m the best captain ever. Nobody has ever done as much as I am doing right now. My ratings on TV are through the roof. Aren’t I great?

11. Why didn’t we have more lifeboats on board? Well, that’s a very mean and very nasty question. You should be ashamed for asking such a nasty question. You are a nasty woman.

12. It's Obama's fault.
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